CHAI PE CHARCHA

I uttered some kannada lines as a conclusive remark over a discussion, while I was having 'chai' with my wife. We all, including my kids, speak Kannada in our house. My wife and my kids know 'Tulu' in addition, which I do not. There are two types of Tulu, and my dad understood both, and spoke one, he even knew Telugu, which most of his contemporaries know very well even today. I understand Telugu to a great extent, if not full, thanks my Uncle’s service first in Nizamabad and then in Hyderabad, where most of my holidays were spent. Latter on a torrent of brilliant students from Andhra Pradesh in mid-nineties, whom I mentored, were helpful in reviving my understanding of this ‘mast’ language. For the first time I ventured typing Kannada (with due credits to my wife, as she helped in correcting and I am not versed in it). 

A little history behind these lines - Until my father passed away in 2010, it was a ritual in my life that we three, me, my dad and my wife used to have tea together, and deliberate on various topics of this world and life. Topics ranged as impromptu as they arouse. It was a clockwork routine, which no one even thought of skipping, as it was happy hours for my dad, and enriching moments for us. During that daily one hour session with 'Appa', as I used to call him, he sat on the sofa or on a chair besides a table, and we both husband and wife, sometimes along with our kids, sat on the floor listening and participating in that randomly sprouted topic of the day. He was a man of great humour, who had the knack of converting and concluding any serious issue in a light and philosophical way. 

The one-hour family 'Chai pe charcha' always, till his end, ended happily. Now that he is no more, his memories and the event remains.I with my wife daily ritually never miss to have morning tea together, with long discussions. Some days, she waits, until I return from cycling and I have a second round of tea. If Morning College’s timetable doesn't allow time for this precious conference, then the tea meet is postponed for in the evening. It gets more interesting then, with an additional advantage of peeking in the balcony, while sipping tea, watching the world passing by (may be my next scrap book page will be MY BALCONY ;). At this time, our growing kids too participate enthusiastically. Sometimes it's humour time with kids as they narrate funny happenings from their school campus. I am unknowingly now playing my 'Appa's' role, of the co-ordinator.

Our yesterday’s discussion concluded me impromptu saying and concluding the days discussion with these lines, ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ಸರಿಯಾದ "ಕ್ರಮ" ನೀವು ಫಾಲೋ ಮಾಡಲಿಲ್ಲ ಎಂದರೆ ~ ನಿಮ್ಮ "ಕರ್ಮ" ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಫಾಲೋ ಮಾಡುತ್ತದೆ ಎಂಬುದು ಒಂದು ಹೊಸತಾಗಿ ಅರಿತ ‘ಗ್ಯಾನ್’ which means nothing more than the fact that - if a man doesn't follow discipline in life, his karma will follow him. Now this is a blunt translation of its meaning. 

TRADITIONAL BACKBOARD  Vs DIGITAL BOARD



There always was, is and will remain a debate on which one is better the traditional chalk and black board or the digital white board. Personally I think it should be a 70:30 combination of the two, favoring the traditional black board. When a teacher draws a figure, flowcharts, equations, pathways, concepts on the board, these concepts virtually are drawn on to the students mind, whereas the power-point slides are just flashed on and off in a jiffy. The major advantage of the blackboard system is its longevity of impact it can have as a defacto standard on the students mind. A blackboard harnesses more effective powers to retain concepts in the core memories. I think teaching with chalk board is irreplaceable. A teacher can easily deliver the subject by writing on chalkboard. Many sitting over the other side of this knowledge business do not like oral presentations without some writing done or only with flash slides popping in and out. In subjects like math’s use of black board with chalk is the only way of teaching. In biology diagrams help students who draw them in their note books, when teacher draws them on the board, time is available for them. In physics derivation can be easily derived in a manner understandable to students by use of chalk board. In chemistry stoichiometry of equation, formulas, chemical reactions can well be taught only by use of a board. Students interested in taking running are greatly aided by this non electronic and manual device and writing on black board gives them ample time to make notes. Multimedia though are very good in areas of animations. Concepts which are very hard to mobilise on blackbords can be easily made to move and thus understand via animations. Finally on the basis of my two characters first my 25 years of passionate teaching experience and second an electronic savvy teacher that I am, I conclude that a teacher must use a black board to deliver 60-70% of his/her time and syllabus to the students and remaining time and syllabus could be explained using multimedia.

Lecture Notes on Water Microbiology

Classroom topics like Air, Water, Sewage, Food Microbiology coming under applied aspects of curriculum have been always considered boring for the teacher and the listener, and I always begged to differ. I could never contain myself, on more than one occasion, to stray away from the topic sometimes philosophically and sometimes aggressively and waste a few lectures, preaching things which are not confined to the boundaries of curriculum. I always thought I was really preaching the "bench tied" scapegoats, out of their academic interests. Though most of the times it may remain true, but occasional rewards like this poem from an amateur simmering harmone of a thoughtful teenager makes that whole effort rewarding. Most of the alumni too keep rewarding by mentioning how vital they see those "out of track" talks which may have not fetched any marks but have left a permanent mark in their lives. I wonder how many science teachers and their lectures have been heard as a song and gradually been converted into a poem in students' mind. If there is an feeling for getting the highest reward for being a teacher then I am a proud owner of it at present.

किस्सा गणेशजी का परभणी में 
(Based on true events)

गणेशजी ने इस बार कैलाश पर्वत से धरती की ओर प्रस्थान करने से पहले माता पारवती और पिता शंकरजी से हट्ट किया “इस वर्ष तो मेरे साथ आप दोनों को परभणी आना ही होगा, हर बार मै अकेला ही जाता हूँ, कई लोगों से सूना है की इस बार परभणी आथित्य सम्मान का “हॉट स्पॉट” हो गया है, हर कोई वहाँ जाना चाहता है, लोग बहोत ही प्यारे और अथिती प्रिय हो गये है, आप भी आ जाइये और इस सेवा का आनंद लीजिए” भोलेनाथ ने कहा “पुत्र आज मेरी इच्छा सबल नहीं है, फिर किसी दिन जाते है” गणेशजी हट्ट करने लगे, फिर भी भोलेनाथ की कुछ इच्छा नहीं हो रही थी. पास ही बैठी माता पारवती इस वार्तालाप को शान्ति से सुन रही थी, बोल उठी “तुम तो हर बार नहीं कह देते हो, चल कर देखे तो इस परभणी गाँव में क्या है” इश्वर बोले “देवी मेरा ही बनाया गाँव है, और मेरा ही इसे वरदान है और वह यह की कोई कितना भी चाहे, सिर्फ भाग्यवान और ह्रदय में निर्मल प्रेम लेकर जाने वाले को ही इस गाँवका अथिथ्य लाभ होता है, और यहाँ के लोगों की परीक्षा तो बिलकुल मत लेना कारण ऐसी इच्छा ही तुम्हे लोग ना मिलने का कारण बन सकती है और न जाने क्यों आज मेरे यहाँ जाने में मन दुविधा कर रहा है” देवी अन्नपूर्णा ने ठान लिया की इस बात की परीक्षा ले ही लेते है और हस कर बोली “चलो चलकर देख ही लेते है और वैसे भी हमें भाग्य की क्या की क्या जरूरत है ” भगवान् शंकर स्मिथ हास्य अपने गालों पर लाते हुए बोले “देवी, ये तो तुम वहाँ जाओ तो जानो, पवित्र मन से जाना ही उचित है, परीक्षक बनकर नहीं, मगर तुम कहती हो तो चलो अपने भाग्य के बल को इस गाँव जाकर देखते है”. प्रस्थान की प्रस्थावना देख गणेशजी खुशी से उछलते हुए बोले “जय हो”. जब प्रस्थान का वक्त आया तब थोड़ा सावधान हो कर भगवान् बोले “अगर हम ऐसे रूप में जायेंगे तो कोई भी हम पर विश्वास नहीं करेगा, यहाँ सिर्फ मूर्ती रूप में तुम्हे पहचाना जाएगा” तभी माता बोली “तो इसमें कठिनाई क्या है, चलो मूर्ती रूप धारण कर लेते है और देखते है सबकुछ स्तिथप्रद्न्य होकर”. माता को अपने सात चलते देख गणेशजी प्रसन्नता से फूले नहीं समा रहे थे और अगले ही क्षण तीनो परभणी रेलवे स्टेशन पर अवतरित हुए. रेलवे स्टेशन उन्होंने इसी लिए चुना क्यों की, आखरी आथित्य दर्शन और पर्भानिकरों की करतूत उन्हें देर रात तक इसी जगह होते देखा था. 

 

 
 

अब वे क्या जाने यह गाँव कितना निराला था, हर उत्सव को लाभ या नुक्सान के में तोलने वाली यहाँ की व्यापारिक जनता इन सुन्दर मूर्तियों को देखते ही अपने व्यापार कुशलता से पास वाले आंध्र राज्य से आये खरीदारों को प्लेटफार्म पर ही सौदा कर तीनो को तगड़े दाम बेच दिया. शंकरजी का परिवार इससे पहले कुछ सोचे एक युवती ने आकाशवाणी कर दिया “कृपया ध्यान दीजिये, निजामाबाद की ओर जाने वाली पैसेंजर गाडी एक नंबर प्लेटफार्म के बजाय, तीन नंबर प्लेटफार्म पर आएगी, असुविधा के लिए खेद है” सौदागरों ने बड़ी गड़बड़ और सावधानी से गैर कानुनी तरीके से पहले शंकरजी और गणेशजी को तीन नुम्बर पर ले आये, माता पार्वती पीछे से लायी गयी. यहाँ आकर पता चला की गाडी थोड़ी लेट हो जाएगी, तब गणेशजी परभणी के स्टेशन पर पिता के पीठ पर बैठ, उनकी जटाए धर “घोडा घोडा” खेलते हुए नज़र आये. कुछ समय बाद जब रेल गाडी आई और पिता पुत्र डिब्बे में चढ़ बैठे, तो माता पारवती स्टेशन पर ही रह गयी और गाडी छूट गयी. यह सब इंसानी मायाजाल समझने में उन्हें वक़्त लग रहा था, हताश हुई माता गणेशजी को पुकारने लगी. हमेशा की तरह गणेशजी माता का दुःख देख नहीं पाए और अपने आप को और एक रूप में आकर माता की गोद में विराजमान हुए. माता थोड़ी प्रसंनित लग रही थी तभी फिर से आकाशवाणी हुई “सिकन्द्राबाद की ओर जाने वाली देवगिरी एक्सप्रेस गाडी प्लेटफार्म नंबर एक पर आएगी, गणेशजी जान गये इसी से पिताजी वाली गाडी धरी जा सकती है. माता के संग वो एक नंबर चले गये और देवगिरी एक्सप्रेस होते हुए अपने पिता के पास पहुँच गये. परभणी रेलवे स्टेशन पर ही उनकी पर्भानिकारों को मिलने की सारी आशा आकांक्षा ख़त्म हो गयी और उन्हें भोलेनाथ की बतायी बात याद आई. दूर से उन्हें लोगो के घोषणाये सुनाई दे रही थी:
“गणपती बाप्पा मोरया ~ पुढच्या वर्षी लवकर या”
(Dedicated to Shree, Hiranya, Ganesh, Manaswini, Saloni, Pratham,Dhruv, Pracheti and Simmilar species)

Masala Dosa Personality - WHICH ONE IS YOU ??

There are many ways to eat a masala dosa .What ever the way one eats; there is a very good reason for doing that. It shows some traits of the person consuming it...

Case 1: People who open the masala dosa and eat it: These are the people who are very open about their life. Everyone one the persons friends would know all about him/her. I have generally seen guys do this rather than girls. Some people think that it is a gross way of eating but in truth, these people are just portraying who they are and how their life is.
Case 2: People who start from both end and approach the masala later: These are the people who like to wait for the exiting things to come to their life. Sadly when the times comes, they are not too interested or just do not know how to enjoy it to the fullest. These are the folks who just want life as either dry or exiting. They just do not know how to phase their life and enjoy it no matter what. There are two types of people within this group 
Case 3: People who do not finish all the masala: These folks just do not care as much for the fun times as they are already brought down by the harsh reality of life. The dry periods in their life has left them with so much scars that they do not want to be really happy when the time is right. They just take only as much as they needed and end their life. A very sorry state indeed.
Case 4: People who finish all the masala with the little dosa they have: These are the folks who just are the extremes. They just go all out in life. No matter it is dark or bright. They may not enjoy life to the fullest but they sure make sure that they get every single good and bad thing out of life. Sometimes these folks are really hard to get along with. They are either your best friends or your worst enemies. They do not have a middle path at all.
Case 5: People who start from the middle and proceed to both ends: These are the people who like to get right to what they think is their best part of life. Usually these guys finish of the good portions in a hurry and get stuck with nothing but worst parts of their life. The thing to note among these people is that the tendency to burn out very early in their life. Like the above case, there are two kinds of people in this group too.
Case 6: People who do not finish the dosa: These folks are really the saddest of people. They are the ones who tend to end their life as soon as it hits the bad patch. For them, they only need and want the best things in life and nothing more. Typically, they are not prepared or tuned to life as a whole. They just want to enjoy from first till last. Sadly, no one in the world can live without even an ounce of sadness in life. Not even the richest of the richest. But to self-destruct at the mere sign of distress is very bad. That is what these guys tend to do. Some learn to live life but most of them do not.
Case 7: People who do finish the dosa: These folks are the typical human beings. We all enjoy the greatest of times in life and push the sad parts thinking about the great times in life. Typically the plate is clean and nothing is left for fate or in life. Happiness and sadness are part of life and these guys know that and are kind of prepared for it. Life is not always happy but there are moments of happiness here and there.
Case 8: People who eat the dosa making sure that the masala lasts for the whole dosa: These people are very rare. These are the people who like to attain balance in their life. It is hard to displease these people and it is hard to make them really happy. They like their balance and are very protective of it. Sadly these are the people who tend to be lonely as anyone else may upset the balance of their system. Perfectionist to the core and are very careful. These guys do not make the best company but are needed in any group to make the group from going hay wire.
Case 9: People who do not share and eat the dosa as if it is precious: These folks are very protective about their life. They do not want anyone to come and interfere in their life. They like to hide their true nature and intensions for their benefit. Beware of such people as they are in every group for their own need and nothing else.

So next time you sit with a person eating a masala dosa, look closely and see if he falls into one of the above categories. You may be surprised as how much it reveals about the person*

Enjoy eating Masala Dosa

6) MY ENCOUNTER WITH PATHOGENS

(Facts Stranger than Fiction --Revealed)

I, Dr. Shiva Aithal, in search of a few pathogenic microbes and with a purpose of inviting one or two yesterday traveled inside my own body and started investigating. I began my journey from my mouth up to intestine; I could go no further and came back, as I went. My intentions were also to know their reactions on us humans calling them as “pathogens”.  When I was going down the throat, to my surprise I found myself immediately surrounded by millions of bacteria and all ‘yucky’ and slimy. I could not make up weather they were rapidly multiplying or rapidly dying, but it was a sea of bacteria nevertheless. They were curious why I came. To my amazement I found that there were in a ratio of 10 bacteria to 1 human cell. 

When I tried to ask something they dragged me to their “Chief” bacteria which looked like an old dying senior member in the crowd. The “Chief bacterium” was casual and my presence had no effect on him. It took me a great deal to grab his attention and put up an interview with him. The chief of the bacterial community said he had no time and as he was in his death phase will die soon. I grabbed an interview without paying attention. The excerpts of the interview are given below.

Me: “So Chief how many of YOU are there in my body, I see so many of you, can you give me the exact number and yes how many of you are pathogenic?

(The chief was clearly irritated by the last part of my question)

Chief Bacteria: What do you mean by how many are pathogenic?? It is relative term. How easily you forget what our Godfather had said “Never underestimate the power of microbes”. Whatever you call us by different names do you really know that we are more than 100 trillion – and more than two kilos of “ONLY US” inside your body? We are your “micro-biomes” and we behave as another organ in your body.

Me: Why get so angry chief? Do you not consider yourself a pathogen? I guess you are one because you have a ‘capsule’ surrounding you!

Chief Bacteria: Hey! So what you shameless creature – did you not create knives, guns, bombs and nuclear weapons to kill and burn your own people? Can you forget Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Who is a “Pathogen” You or Me? (He resembled a powerful orator) We don’t kill our own community like that only. Even when we do it is a highly mutually understood balance of energy, when we die, we become source of energy to our own community and many a times for you too. When will you realize that, Oh!! You will never understand because you never know how to LISTEN to us! How many of you die for your own brothers and sisters-MAN-come on tell me-give examples!! You never do that! You betray your own community, we never do that Sir!! Yes NEVER – MIND IT!! I don’t have time for your “nonsense” and I have not time for you either I have to die with glory. And about my “capsule” and its relation with being a “pathogen” My Dear Boy!!! (it was EERIE feeling-a bacterium calling me like that) a knife in the hand of a thief takes away life but in the hands of a surgeon saves many. Think on that!!! If you have the intellect.

(Saying this chief called another bacterium, which was passing by and told him to answer the rest of my questions. I saw the old chief dying and just getting dissolved and vanishing in to the sea of vigorous metabolism. But what a glorious speech before death I thought. In my world this speech would have become immortal. The new bacterium looked somewhat younger, a bit matured, and more thoughtful; I probed further, as I asked the bacteria in front of me – still deep in my thoughts)

Me: Hello-Buddy may I know your name?

It replied in Bond Style.

Bacterium: I am Influenzae! H. influenzae

Me: Oh-Hi! You seemed to be bit relaxed. You look like a pathogen too. What do you cause to us? (On this it laughed sarcastically).

H. influenza: Ha! Ha! Ha! You humans and your terminologies. OK in your language I am an opportunistic pathogen; like my younger brother E. coli. that is, I live in you without causing disease, but can cause you problems only when you allow viral infections, if you develop reduced immune function or get chronically inflamed tissues from allergies. What I want to say is that if you create an opportunity then in your language I am a pathogen.

Me: Oh I see. You want to play the blame game? Why blame us and our “system” when you too are an integral part of us? Can’t you ever help us rather than causing disease always?

H. influenza: Dear Doctor-Please be mindful when you are giving suggestions. What do you think - is it us who cause disease? No never! Go and ask your ancestors if possible. We are associated with you right from your evolution days.

(I clearly knew my next question will make him angry, but I was confident because no one from my world was watching me and anyway strangely when you go inside your own body the “EGO” does not function.)

Me: Now what has YOUR ‘Pathogenicity’ to do with OUR ancestors?

H. influenza: Oh! How ignorant you are? How good were those days when we struggled together for existence? We helped out each other in difficult times. No pollution, clean water and air, cleaner nature, no medicines and no pharmacy. They knew us better and controlled us nicely with their “immune system” which was not only their “main factory” but a friendly one too.  It was their property; it never harmed us so we never meant any loss to them. Go and if possible ask them - Did they ever suffer like your present generation? They were more sensible and friendly with us.

(I was obviously defensive and asked rather over confidently).

Me: And now what have we done?

H. influenza: You present people- eating junk food, you push your immune system to its limit, by doing things that weaken it more such as eating junk foods/sugar, stress, lack of water and sleep, years of body abuse and unhealthy lifestyle, you will get sick, you invite and provide us the “opportunity” to grow. We are just doing our natural job, with your permission. You will eventually reap what you sow.

(I was beginning to lose my confidence as I thoughtfully asked my next question.)

Me: OK! OK! I agree? But why the rage, why the anger? When you cause epidemic? You spare no one?

(I was taken by surprise when he unexpectedly reprimanded me for this question)

H. influenza: You idiots you will never understand us - Will you? It is you who call it as endemics, pandemics whatever! We just go on an immunization spree once in a while to help you out from our possible mutations. All those fools without an efficient own immune power succumb. Tell me clearly do we have a role in your immune system-NO boss never. It is only you who make it weaker.

Me: Never ever thought like that! But why will you ever wish to help us humans out?

H. influenza: It was a tryst with destiny. We promised your ancestral man, that we will protect you from any of our ‘natural mutations’ which is a natural part of our evolution process. But now it seems that you have broken that trust and YOU create environments by your “bad habits” in which we are mutating more rapidly than ever. It is so sad that it is neither in your control or ours. (He was now getting irritated) OK let me go, I am in my “log-phase”, I cannot waste my precious time like this I have a lot to “Synthesize” and “Finish” before I die. Growing up with only “Talking” and no work seems to be your “Tendency” not ours. Time is short for me. Will you ever understand these words??? Huh?

Before I could say anything he just dashed off and became invisible to me. I went further down and entered my Stomach, I felt the burnt. Stinging sensation grabbed my feet. I realized it was my Stomach’s acid. Today I drank less water than regular. How unforgivable my body is for me, I thought, every day I drink 6 liters of water for this very purpose and even then, one day I forget and no excuses. I resolved that I will never forget to consume the required quantity of H2O from here on. 

With great difficulty I crossed the Stomach as I could only see enzymes oozing out from my own cells and food getting broken down. It was hell of a workshop. Only few bacteria were present and all tried to behave like “big-shots” and unheedingly doing their work, each one looked after one “molecule” only and acted like Incharge of that molecule. They simply did not rest till it was converted to ATP. I thought the acidic environment has made these stomach bacteria workaholic. As I moved further, with great difficulty, I found myself pitying their acrimonious behavior. Still I could not grab a “Pathogen” when suddenly a number of bright yellow colored balls fell on my head, they just kept rolling and falling in a sequence and I got “a bad bump” on my head. In a fit of anger, I grabbed one by my hand and was about to throw away when it shouted.

Ball like Structure: Oye! Oye! Oye! Boss-I am cocci- Staphylocci. Don’t you respect other than yourself type of “life-forms”. Keep me down and mind you be gentle.

One more I thought. I carefully (rather fearfully) kept it down slowly.

Me: What are you up to Mr. Staph? Showing your pathogenic powers here? (One more Pathogen I thought and prayed out of fear it not be the dangerous methicillin resistant species MRSA).

Staph: What do you think? I am as good as you want me to be! Lucky you! I know what you are thinking-Don’t worry I’m not what you think. I’m just your normal staph and not the resistant one. And it’s you who bought me here.

Me: ME and how’s that? Could you please explain??

Staph: Crazy fellow you ate “Paani-puri” with your friends and transported me here. (suddenly I heard echoing dual voice and saw that infront of my eyes the staph I was talking to was just doubling in planes and I was talking to four Staphylococci as it continued….) I was happy in that food-stuff with that pani-puri wallah. But you like that “Junk” so much that you could never stop after eating a few. So here I am having a tough time fighting with your antibodies, who are hell bent to kill me? What will you do if your enemy attacks you, will you sacrifice yourself or counter attack in defense??? Answer me! And you call me a ‘pathogen’ (it kept on doubling and strangely were not separating from each other and I was getting confused to whom I was really talking to).

Me: You mean to say you are my food borne infection, then why have I not got symptoms like vomiting or fever?? (I was really wondering)

Staph: Gracious goodness!! What a gratitude MAN? Do good and cast it in the river! Eh? All the time I have been “Controlling myself” for your sake, my progeny and parent are getting killed-for your sake and you question my credentials. Wait till dawn – Doctor – you better start writing a sick application to your boss from here itself??

As it expressed its anger, it grew in clusters more rapidly and I could not make its words. It seemed as if it growled and howled and just moved away further like a bunch of growing grapes. I thought I angered the food borne Staph. and was beginning to think ‘why the hell I ate that road-side stuff’. I was beginning to worry about my health. What if it started to produce toxins, I decided to leave it alone and hurried away from there. 

I was about to move further when I saw some bacteria suspiciously hiding behind the mucous, I just tried to peek in when I realized that there were many deep down, shocked just as I was about to retreat, a good bent curved rod attracted my sight. It was so hell “bent” and doing something, which raised my curiosity as I moved closer to it. As I approached nearer I could see them in thousands all furiously working and not noticing me. I had never read about them in my B.Sc. or M.Sc. I wondered why our syllabus was so un-informative. I tried to communicate with one of them, and enquired (after my Staph. Encounter I was automatically beginning to get more polite)

Me: “Hello! Sir may I know who are you in my body and what are you doing???”

Curved Rod:  I am Pylori - Helicobacter pylori, move aside let some air pass in, previously you people used to call me Campylobacter pyloridis. Ah!! A good question what am I doing here?? But if I keep answering your silly questions I will die without glory – get lost ask someone else.

Saying this he suddenly took one molecule of Urea (I never knew that my stomach had so many molecules of urea) and spit some fluid on it and suddenly converted that urea molecule to ammonia. Oh I remembered it had “spit” urease enzyme and converted it to ammonia – which made the acidic molecule to alkaline and it survived. This was the vigorous work which all similar curved bacteria were doing. I still wondered from where it came and why is it doing all these. But somehow I felt better to see my acidity getting lowered down. These guys were regulating my stomach acidity.

Me: Ahem! Sir! Can I ask you (I asked hesitantly) are you pathogenic??

H. pylori: Look Boss! First of all, please move aside let some air pass in and secondly move away from me – we are not only Pathogens but also the first formally recognized bacterial carcinogen and one of the most successful human pathogens, as over half of the world's population is colonized with us. Unless treated, we remain with you for your life, and why the hell don’t you move aside and let some air come through.

I realized that it was microoerophillic and so kept demanding for air. I recently read that mounting evidence suggests that H. pylori though undoubtedly a ‘Pathogen’ have an important role in protecting from some diseases and regulating stomach acidity. All were vigorously working, due to which they looked like the “Hunchback of Notre-Dame”. Some were so bent that they almost became coccoidal. Most of them held hand in hand while working, they did seem to like getting separated. Like this collectively they appeared like a transparent film, Ah! What a ‘biofilm’ I thought.

Me: Err! Sir can you tell me even being Pathogenic why I don’t get to feel your presence?

Actually I meant to say “Infections” but then I tried to be humble while questioning but I had used the term “Pathogen” confidently because it had not only proclaimed itself as one but also called itself a “Bacterial carcinogen” a new terminology which I had to Google after going back. To my surprise it was not angry being called a ‘pathogen’ as it replied.

H. pylori: See my dear HOST! Many of our types are fighting it out in your digestive tract, and the winners can determine your risk for a range of health problems. Your belly is a very popular place. We as many as 100 trillion microbes call it our home. One good thing for you is that many of them are beneficial for you because they process hard-to-digest foods, produce nutrients, and as we're now learning to guard you against disease. We as a community synthesize vitamins such as folic acid, vitamin K and b and one biotin, ferment complex indigestible carbohydrates inside your body. Even outside in the nature, when you throw us out of your body, we decompose and recycle dead insects, animals and organisms. And please why don’t you take a deep breath boss! I need some air and now please move on, I have a hell lot of work to finish off.

Saying this he held the hand of his co-workers and all combined to form a big ‘biofilm’ and got back to their work. I decided to leave them alone. At least they accepted that they were pathogens and more than that, and Boy! Were they not humble in that? I dared not trigger ‘antagonism’ in them which will affect no one else but only me.

As I advanced further my curiosity reached newer levels and I was wondering what lay in store of my GUT, I had already started to get that eerie "feeling!!!".

……..Can be Continued by Readers

5) ARGUING WITH "SILENCE"

I solemnly declare that following are my true experiences which I am putting forth without malice and exaggeration. On the contrary, I am indebted to each and every individual, who has behaved the following mentioned ways. Their names have been deliberately kept anonymous on their requests, as they are modest enough for limelight.

A few days back I was in the middle of a “Street Quarrel” involving me and my buddies alongwith. It is best that I do not detail the reasons, because if anyone is interested in it, I recommend them to visit my street and spend a few hours at my hotel counter. Their curiosities will never remain unrewarded. Street quarreling is the original and the most captivating sector of my modern town. Every people and each group and individual of the society were, are, and will be fascinated by the techniques of mastering it. It has been passed on from generation to generation with new skills, practices, procedures and performances. The people here firmly believe that such type of Communication skills and powers needs to grow and they have always put their best efforts to keep it continually to growing; the functions of getting instantly angry, instant verbal skills, mob gathering and innovative profanity is improving as the demands of society increase so to fulfill the thirst and urge for development continues in this competent world. No wonder films and afternoon tele-serials are a part of the edification and slang learning universities for my town people. Most of the vocabulary jargon's are improved by occasional business visits around the neighboring states.

You may be a saint throughout your life, but in my town you are a part of the almighty’s plan to find yourself in the middle of such drama at least once in your lifetime, where you lose your sainthood for the day. So as I was saying I found myself playing a character in one such drama a few days back. But as I had “been here and seen everything” I simply kept smiling at the whole incidence, which irritated my buddy, who was the instant chosen hero of the drama. He kept scolding me later on for keeping mum and smiling like an idiot throughout the scene, which otherwise would have been a super-duper hit spectacle. Somehow I have been simply enjoying such actions throughout my childhood. Now recently I discovered that I enjoy it more if I am in it and if I choose to keep my mouth zipped. I think the credit for such perseverance and patience which I get in such situations comes specially by growing up watching my dad who with his diligence, had failed the best of the “street-smart” intelligence, with his single and simple weapon of “silence”. Ironically I have been told that as a kid I was the one who had his mercury continuously boiling and kept the kitchen utensils flying all around with my temper. God forbid, I would have done a PhD in this area, if not my dad hadn’t set a living example.

I had observed all my life that silence is such a powerful armament in such situations that our confronting hero doesn’t dare to touch you till you keep mum. In my town, this particular tactic is out of curriculum and is genuinely considered as weakness and cowardly. Because it’s not that anybody wants to loose such “heroic and epic battles” but it’s all about the character which will later on persist. That character which will be the most talked about event for the day, week, month or the year, depending upon the intensity of his heroism. Hopefully by the grace of God - nothing lasts more than a year, everything in our market comes with an “expiry date”. Pity! that I still consider “Silence” as the best option even if the preeminent of the intellectuals have a opinion otherwise.  

So after things cooled down my friend asked again with much annoyance, those questions which are decidedly common in such situations like “How the hell could you keep quite??” “Did you not hear, what he was saying???” “How dare he challenge me and my past generations???” “I will show him more than what he wants to see of me???” etc, etc, etc. Those 10-15 minutes could be compiled into an absurd- street library. What wondered me always in such situations are – Aren’t these the kids born to some parents who right now sitting home harbor high ambitions towards this man, who right now is a foul mouthed kid barking on the road? Who may be the teacher of these highly reactive, responsive and energetic youths, what will he do if he is here?? What will I do if these are my kids or students?? Could not this energy and the 'urge to win over at any cost' be diverted to something creative and productive? But then in my town idiots like me can only raise questions in some small gatherings and get called themselves great and revolutionary. Nothing official or practical about it.

Once in such gathering a wealthy stinking rich “Seth” had asked me “Tell me sir, all you Lecturers, you are so highly educated, intelligent and then why are you not rich?” Amassing wealth throughout his life from past few generations had made the “education gene” in him highly recessive. I honestly replied “Tell me O Seth, you are so successful in business, rich and wealthy, but why are you not intelligent?” He avoids my presence till date.

Growing up in a town filled with such “intelligent morons” it was no surprise why my dad retained me in University education business till no any further such activity was possible in this country. Against my fathers will and due to lack of skilled or unskilled labour I had rejoined the hoteling after completing my PhD in Microbiology, a subject which had analogy to hoteling (await for this in the next blog). As an unpaid servant of the hotel and a peanut salary at my college, life was beautiful. Because when you are not paid, then you are 'unbound' and you dictate terms. 

Coming to our core point of keeping 'silent' in that street fight, when my buddy bombarded me with such questions my reaction towards him was the same, which, my dad had taught all his life and  I had did earlier on the street. I just kept quiet and smiled, because I only knew “Why” I did like that and 'that' reason I share with you all via this blog. I got that “Degree” of calmness by watching “Gems” at my hotel counter. Their behavior, their attitude and their doings, their approach are extreme examples and teachings in life to whom I am highly indebted to and could follow a two page write up under the title "Acknowledgements"declaring in person each and everyone, whom I can never forget in this life.

BEST IRRITATING MOMENTS CREATED BY A CUSTOMER-WHICH GIVES YOU AN EXCLUSIVE OPTION OF “REMAINING SILENT”

1. The customer (henceforth called as ‘HE’) never ceases from constantly inquiring rates of the same item which he purchases daily. He always starts with enquiry for a Kilo and ends up purchasing 50grams.
2. With experience this can be tolerated by any hotelier, but before purchasing his routine item he is ritualistic to enquire the prices of each and every other item on the display shelves.
3. If you think it’s nothing, wait it’s not ended yet.  Before buying that 50gram he must “test and taste” (thus waste) another 25grams, which if he doesn’t, he fears that he will be disqualified, by his wife back home as unskilled moron who has no QC skills and who just blindly picks up 'things' what are handed to him.
4. Then he asks for a plastic carry bag. He plainly rejects paper-bags, for it could not be hung on his motorcycle. A carrier-box attachment to a motorcycle in my town is considered a passe, something antediluvian. The bike is purely meant for 'style' and not for 'purpose'. No matter how hard you try to educate him about environment and pollution (you try because the matter comes from college teachings and he is a routine) he gives examples of how other reputed and rich shops are freely giving away, without hassles.
5. Then he coolly asks for one more carry bag (because he is a routine) to take vegetables home. Vegetable sellers of my town are more “eco-friendly” than shopkeepers and hoteliers.
6. When he comes to fulfill his culinary delights, no sooner than he lands on the “table” he bangs, scorns, thumps for an immediate service.
7. He eats to his hearts contents and “burps” directly in a right angle at you on the counter while paying bills. This is the only moment I wish my hotel was somewhere in Arabia, where belching appears to be done as a mark of appreciation or joy.
8. He has the birth right to go to any market without change in his pocket and always harbors 100’s or 500’s and now-a-days 1000's notes, which he takes out like masterly weapon even will his peanut bills.
9. In his dictionary “Service” is provided by none other than "Servants", and the owner is the biggest (read lowliest) of the servant in that ground.
10. He believes that the hotelier grows rich day after day only with his bills. This estimate truly coming for him, from the fact that he always sees the hotelier ‘Seth’ sitting on the counter under a fan, doing nothing.
11. For this esteemed customer a small additional charge of even Rs.1/- towards any item (may be a hike or extra charges), is the end of the world for him, and instantaneously the hotelier becomes a looter, no less than a dacoit and what not.
12. For him the taste of his favorite dish is always “Not like that it used to be before”. Least he knows that a man’s “taste buds” keep variating throughout the year and also keep changing with age.
13. He will have a small last piece of his dish (like Idli or Wada) and all of a sudden he will throw away his spoons and boisterously demand extra cup of Sāmbhar, when supplied (which usually is done free of charge), he will use only one spoonful and waste  the rest.
14. When meagerly charged for that cup – read point 11.
15. He believes that he is always billed extra and therefore he meticulously checks, enquires, inquires, investigates and verifies every item he savored. And once in a while when mistakes do occur due to our illiterate (but not so dumb) waiters, he raises his voice like a police inspector. Only to be recollected by our waiter, an item he forgot that he had consumed.
16. If served with tea, it’s his birth right to ask for a sample “Chivda” mixture, a newspaper and a matchstick for lighting his cigarette or beedi. No wonder my Dad and my Uncle, to much surprise of everyone in our family and friends, ran an “Udupi Hotel” which did not serve tea or coffee for more than 25 years. The legacy continues till date.
    
17. Only in an Udupi hotel he gathers the courage to eat, belch and declare while cleaning his teeth with our toothpick that, he has forgot to bring money and will pay later. His tone being such that the hotelier, for no particularly describable reason, feels guilty for his escape of memory. When you oblige he demands for fennel seeds (bade saunf), which you forward to him with pleasure.
18. If it’s your worst day, he will complain about the fennel seeds lacking taste.
19. He then tests your memory, by appearing again one day (somewhere in the future) thinking you have completely forgotten him, because he genuinely does. Least he realizes how good an actor you are who acts like nothing ever happened.
20. For some reasons of his own he will demand Idli and Upma at 9:00 PM, just because it is an Udupi hotel. Now 50 years down the lane three generations of hoteling and we, simply say ‘not available, your highness’, and have not dared to mention that these dishes are best served as breakfast.
21. He is a chatterbox when he arrives with his friends or family to eat Dosas and Uttapams. Due to occasional absence of mind sometimes he forgets his continuity of the process called as “eating” and ceiling fans are doing their duties above head, which instantly cools the paper thin south Indian delicacy. Then his senses suddenly come alive and he declares that “we are serving stale food” and “I can bet this is yesterday’s Dosa”. Remaining silent at higher levels is the only option.
22. With advent of technology he is a faithful husband, who calls his wife at our counter from his mobile device and truthfully mediates the availability of items, its price, its color, its size, shape (spare for what mentioned in point No. 3 said above technology does not permit it for his wife) wasting precious business hours, then he isolates himself in the corner for another 10 minutes (private conversation) and comes back and asks if the item could be obtained for less. When you politely say ‘prices are fixed sire!’ he claims that there is another shop, who is giving the same better and bigger and nicer at lower rates, and much to your relief he goes away.
23. Only to come back again in twenty minutes flat with point no. 22 repeated all over again.
24. In the middle of a purchase or eating process when he suddenly attends a mobile, pompously self-servingly as if he is the most important person on the planet and as if all (including the hotel owner, who occasionally has to nod) should pay attention to him while he talks inanely about nothing on his cellphone.
25. To end this never ending saga there are two of my all-time favorite. First one goes like this. He always pokes a joke to the hotelier - “You are lucky man that you have a hotel. And you do not have to bother about cooking at home. You are fortunate enough that you can eat daily in your hotel Eh? To one such declaration my father had coolly replied “Aren’t you too lucky enough sire! For you have the largest, biggest and the most reputed medical shop in the town??
26. Second one (I always loved this) is the sarcastic remark of many customers who declare with anguish over occasional price hikes with food items in tandem with the grocery shop hikes. They declare that this south Indian hotel-wallah is a looter, and he has over these years prospered and become rich with our (localite's) money and has built tall buildings. Again a cool "silent customer" the hotelier my dad was who totally agreed to everything he said and had inquired back “All these time Sire! What did YOU do???”

I ask for forgiveness for the length of this post, for my experiences at the counter are voluminous.